I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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