Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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