One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
