I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sext me about skeletons
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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