i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
