I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
