some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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