The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
