yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
