Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
