i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
