i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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