Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
