I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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