Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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