just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
