She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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