Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
