I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
