Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
