New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
