dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
