he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
