My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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