well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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