i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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