my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry about my life...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
