it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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