why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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