my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
