Say something about gay babies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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