waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
