I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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