i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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