I skipped work to stalk him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
