she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
