I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
