i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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