i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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