I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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