She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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