There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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