I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
