If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
