So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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