I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
