i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
