oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
