Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
