I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
a search helicopter?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
