there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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