im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
