note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
