I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
