I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
